The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Let's get the cat blown out
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
