Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
