I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
