Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Randomize
