My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I just had sex on a roof
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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