There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
