I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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