did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
