i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
