I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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