I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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