oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
