he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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