what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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