the condom got lost in my hair
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
