I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
that is very illegal...i love you.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
