my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
