i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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