You're completely useless in the revolution.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
