i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
