Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
