i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Welp...herpes.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
