i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I party with great urgency now.
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