Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
