sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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