apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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