i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
