Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
i think i just lost a toe
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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