dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Randomize
