Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
