no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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