Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
not ubering you a puppy
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
