he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Randomize
