Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
not ubering you a puppy
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
