didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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