I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Randomize
