i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
did i just pee glitter
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize