yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
