I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
