Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Randomize
