I only kidnapped one of them. chill
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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