either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Boobs are out for the taking
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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