Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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