I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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