I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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