when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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