Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
