Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
