i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
