I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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