And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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