He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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