at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I want to fling myself into the sun
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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