so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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