I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
