4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
