Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
