I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
