We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
