I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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