Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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