OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
