At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
