everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
