not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
