At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
In America we eat man semen.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
