What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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